I don’t know when it really started for me but I remember at the age of 13 years old being in my grandparents kitchen and my mom had me measure my thighs and she did the same, then kind of laughed at me saying her thighs were thinner.
Little did I know at the time my mom had strong anorexic tendencies then. That was the ‘70’s before internet or anyone really knowing about such things, and it contributed to me heading down a path of disordered eating and having body issues.
What also took me years to realize is that no two bodies are alike! My mom had nice breasts, carried her weight (if she had any) in her stomach area, had a flat bum and thin legs. I on the other hand have very small breasts, small waist, a bubble butt and heavier thighs. So very different.
Since that time I struggled with anorexia then bulimia for many years. If I wasn’t binging, I was exercising tons. It seemed like I was in a constant battle with my body, always hating the heavier, more athletic thighs, bubble butt, small chest that I had and being 5’2” on top of that. I felt child like many times.
I thought because I didn’t have a good size chest or cleavage, or because I wasn’t tall enough (and so on) that I wasn’t or couldn’t be sensual or womanly.
Yet nothing could be further from the truth!
In the past while I really started reflecting on what is shown to us as women from an early age from magazines, to advertisements to tv to clothing and realized how messed up it truly is. Usually leaving me feeling not good enough and / or not liking my body………..can you relate?
Where is it in our society that looks and fashion come before anything else and that one needs the perfect body? What is the perfect body and who decided what beauty is??
We’ve been programmed to believe that most if not all men love 5’10” blonde bombshells yet is it true?
We have been programmed to believe that without a label we are second class, or as the media may allude us to believe we are not good enough the way we are.
Now please don’t get me wrong, I love to feel and look good. I take my health seriously by eating well. I dress for comfort and what I enjoy wearing, regardless of my age or what the fashion states as being in. And maybe that is just it – it’s my age. I’ve learned not to care what others think now.
Turning 50 last year has lead me to be able to sit and reflect on things in my life, the good and the bad, what I’ve done, not done, choices I’ve made and wasted energy in my life.
I spent way too much time hating myself or my body, exercising as punishment for eating the wrong foods, or hoping to thin out my thighs instead of for the sheer enjoyment of exercising and allowing my body to move and express. I wasted too much time worrying over foods I ate that I shouldn’t have or better yet buying into any of that media hype whether on tv or in a magazine that lead me to think I just wasn’t good enough!!
Too much wasted time!
We have to stop buying into the bs programming and we have to start asking better questions and we have to start loving ourselves and bodies more, that is my opinion.
We need the feminine to re-emerge fully in ourselves.
After all, if we don’t have the best relationship with ourselves how can we truly have an awesome relationship with another, based on truth and love.